Friday, August 5, 2011

A Personal Letter: This

A couple nights ago my mother-in-law (to be) came over to visit. She brought me this set of 8 adorable little tea-cups and saucers. She knows I’m having a “Disney Tea Party Bachelorette Party” so she was thinkin’ of me when she bought these lil beauties! She was telling me about a couple of REAL LIVE FANCY TEA parties she’s been to. They got to wear adorable vintage dresses and hats along with gloves! Can you say HEAVEN? I may slip a few curse words here and there but I would try my darndest to behave like a lady! Anyways, does that Disney Tea Party Bachelorette Partay seem like it would be fun? Well, it will be : ) I look forward to dressing like a Disney character, drinking tea by day and rum by night.

Anyways, during Elaine’s (MIL) visit we were sitting at the kitchen table while I was working on Add a Little Sparkle’s very first giveaway! (Stay tuned in daily for that). We were talking about tea parties, farmers markets and of course, life and death (my favorite topic besides weddings it seems). She stated she believed out of anything and everything that is a ‘bad situation’ there is something good that comes from it. I agreed this was a true statement.

We then discussed with Thomas’ passing what good has come from a horrific situation. I told her with Matt and I that we have come to know each other on a different level. It’s an intensity of vulnerability we’ve discovered together. There were many nit-picky fights prior to the Thursday night we finally broke down as one. We, like I wrote about before, knew that there was an underlying problem. For the past 4.5 months we had been privately grieving - whether it was in the shower, on the drive to work, in the garage or out fishing. Matt and I were never open to sharing heartache with one another. We were staying strong for the other person. We didn’t realize that breaking down together would make us stronger has an individual, as a couple and as friends. 

I wish I could put into words the bond that we have now. Are there words to describe a look of knowing? A touch of knowing? Being able to experience each other’s hurt, laughter and love by a single touch or look? There aren’t. There are no words (in the Brandi Dictionary anyway) to describe something that deep. If you ever find them send them my way. I 'assume' many think they have this level of love but this is much deeper. Unexplainable via words.

I, personally, just never knew I could let a person in on such deep personal feelings and emotions. How could someone have let another human being in on this level when we didn’t even know this level existed you know? but we have. Doing so, was a scary experience for both of us. To lay everything out on the living room floor (literally everything – heart, soul, thoughts) to a person and to work with them to mend, nurture and care for those feelings together. It’s unbelievable. And although I hate that someone we love so much was taken from us I am so thankful to have such a bond because of our loss. I don’t mean this in the cliché way of saying ‘soul-mate’ because I hate that the word is just quickly spoken without the real in-depth thought of what it is. My soul has a mate, that mate is Matt's soul. Together we are one. Together triumphant. 

Anyways, I just wanted to share with you because I think this makes a good point for every person out there. Life is going to through you wicked curve balls. Life is going to beat you up time and time again. Keep your eye on what's important and try to sift through the haze of let-down, failure, loss, etc. Find the wee amount of good in the situation, in a person, in life in general and I promise you'll breathe a tad easier.


  1. Thanks for posting this for your wicked step-mom. I still love everything about this proposal!! It makes me smile!!!!

  2. Beautiful post sweetie!! Love you!!