Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Wedding Stress, etc.

Sadly I have to admit, these hilarious e-cards are seriously exactly how I feel. I am so stressed out I feel at any moment I could start hyperventilating, rip out all my hair and start flailing on the floor like a fish gasping for air. Not only wedding stress but future job stress, major/school stress, weight stress, being a grown-up stress, beauty stress, money stress, etc...

Those of you who have planned/are planning a wedding know exactly the stress I’m talking about. Basically, you want the day to be perfect and want others to think it’s perfect too. Well, contrary to popular belief, perfection doesn’t exist and trying to achieve it makes a person insanely nuts (bird lady nuts – think crazy cat lady only with birds). I know that it’s our day and we have to do things the way we want and not worry about what others think/say but it’s easier said than done!!!

As much as I would love to say everyone is going to love our wedding – they won’t. They’ll think the deer antler arch and men’s camo vests are tacky and the fur cape is too much. They’ll think my mother’s wedding dress is outdated and the day was too cold. They’ll think our nacho/baked potato bar was “cheap” and didn’t go with our theme. They’ll think matt’s shyness and refusal to speak at the reception means he doesn’t care or isn’t appreciative. They’ll think my “soul sisters” idea was confusing and weird and everything was “too vintage”.  They’ll think it’s weird we don’t want speeches from our bridal party and that we didn’t have biblical readings at the ceremony.

See how I’m my own worst critic here?? It gets worse. I stress about the tiniest detail…from what perfume I should wear to my jewelry. If you would talk to me about it you would think it was life or death. It’s becoming crazy pathetic the things I’m concerned about. HELP ME!!!!

What am I going to do about school? Seriously.. I’ve been in college for almost 4.5 years without even so much as an associate’s degree. I changed my major 5 times and still am unsure of what I’d be good at and be HAPPY doing everyday of my life. I honestly am so lost as to what to do. Lets hug it out. (hugs) wow, I feel better…J

And how do I know what my future job options are without a major in mind? Am I gonna be stuck at this $10/hr. job feeling as though I’m not contributing to society at all? I feel like every person leaves their mark on the world and I am not even close.  I don’t know what I’d like or what I’d be good at so until I figure that out I’m kind of stuck with business (although, I really can do a lot with this major. That’s the level headed Brandi coming through..)

I feel as though everyone I know thinks I’m a giant loser for living a mile from my parents in Garden City, SD. I have gained a ton of weight and am marrying a guy I couldn’t stand in high school. I do believe in love and have a love that will lasts and that makes me “uncool” because a majority of kids my age are out partying and doing whomever whenever. And I couldn’t possibly know what true love is at such a young age and am bound for divorce because no marriage lasts nowadays.

I’m trying my best to stay positive (you guys are like yeah right!) and be grateful for all that I’ve been given. It’s a rough road some days and I often get discouraged by the tiniest thing. I’m trying to remember it will all work out how it’s supposed to and that our wedding day is OUR day and most people won’t even remember all the trouble I went through to make sure every last detail was in tact.

I have noticed that exercising is a great way to relieve some of my daily stressors. I’ve been caught crying on the treadmill because it felt so good to be finally doing something about my self image and I was watching the sunrise thinking about Thomas…

Crazy honesty but I just needed to get all the stress-age off my chest.

Do you guys have any stress relievers that you found have worked for you (besides drinking heavily)….

Thursday, September 22, 2011

My Wedding Dress

Traditions are like fingerprints. Though, instead of being solely for individuals they’re unique per family. Every family has their own customs and quirky little things that make “them.” Traditions sometimes make your whole entire year and make the best memories for sure!

At my mom’s we spent every week night eating supper together, which is actually quite unusual for the modern family I think. We’d spend time at the table chowing down on mom’s home cooked food and discussing how hard basketball practice was that night and when the next 4H meeting was. Mom and dad would go on about how great my little brother’s grades were (puke J) and the current happenings at their jobs.  Sundays (every single Sunday) were always picnic nights. Football, nachos, pizza and wings! Nachos are a delicacy in our 4-person Seefeldt family.

Black Friday is the biggest holiday for my mom and I. Nothing like hitting the road at 2 am and buying out Watertown and Sioux Falls all before the sun comes up! My grammy used to come along too before she passed (bless her heart!). My step-dad, after a few years, got fed up because for like 3 years in a row he would have to come to Watertown with a bigger vehicle because we’d be unable to move or breathe due to the copious amount of “crap” we had bought. We needed to get to Sioux Falls stat and we couldn’t do it in those ‘stuffed’ conditions!! Next year we may need to borrow/rent an 18 wheeler.

At my real dad’s house it was hard for us to be consistent with having 4 kids and my sisters needing to go to their dad’s for the holidays and then me coming and it was just a mad house trying to coordinate events. However, I spent every summer at my dad’s (which I miss doing) and every Fourth of July we’d pack up our van full of blankets, pillows and bug spray and head here or there to watch fireworks as a family. We also drove around town near Christmas time to see all the lights! Those were seriously some of the best times of my life. Having 2 sisters practically the same age and a silly daddio is the best!!

When we got older it was harder to keep us entertained (although, I’d still love to do those things!) so we had to find new ways to keep tradition in our family going. My sisters and I are all within 3 years of each other so we were all out of high school and broke as a joke at the same time. Our tradition every year was to draw names for siblings and pray Joel drew our name so my step-mom (their real ma) would buy our gift and it would be fancy! J

Well, after that we decided since all us adolescent girls could scrounge up around the holiday season was the lint between our toes we would instead spend the evening together baking, gaming and writing. Let me tell you, those have been some of the most memorable Christmases! We have this game that asks questions like, “If you were all captured by wild savages and were forced to have one person dance to save your heads from being boiled whose dance moves do you trust to save your life?” (why my family chose me I have zero clue) or “who’s most likely to get ‘lucky’ tonight?” – We were in tears at who picked who. Keep in mind this game is involving my 10 year old brother, parents, my sister’s, my fiancĂ© and my sister’s new boyfriend….Let alone with 3 born and bred Carpenter’s (dad, joel, me) in the house it’s always loud and crazy. My abs hurt the next morning from laughing that night. Wow, I am cheesing out so bad right now.

And the food. Ohhhh the food! My dad makes his mouth-watering king crab legs and shrimp (I have a butter stained t-shirt for proof they’re messy and equally delish). We bake each other’s favorite foods and so there are usually stuffed mushrooms, cheesecake, veggie pizza and all this other scrumptious stuff! We also write each other poems and read them in front of everyone. I always like to throw in my poem how my dad wore head to toe red to church the following Sunday after my step-mom told him her favorite color was red (this was when they first started seeing each other). For those that know me, am I not my father’s daughter?! Hahaha! Gosh.

So I guess where I’m headed with this tradition thing:

A couple weeks ago my mom and I were chatting on our way to visit my Great Grandma Rose and my Grandpa Rod. Out of nowhere she says, “You’re the only bride I know who isn’t talking their mom’s ear off about their wedding dress.” I paused for awhile and didn’t really respond besides a shrug. Ever since then though, I’ve been looking and thinking and thinking and more thinking. I’ve had probably 6 people in the last week ask when I was going to start dress shopping.

I’m sentimental in about 99% of all aspects of my life. I cherish the little things and love looking at old photos of when I was little or when my parent’s were young. I have been reminiscing a lot about the weddings I’ve been too and asking my grandparent’s about theirs, etc. And you know me, I like different and I like meaningful. I’ve thought long and hard about it and so here I am, letting my Sparkler’s, friends and family know I am wearing my Mother’s wedding dress on my wedding day.

To answer a few questions, it’s the dress from my mom’s 2nd marriage. If it was the one from her first marriage wouldn’t that be a bad omen or something? Hehe. Plus, the one she married my real dad in was a pink 80’s huge-bow-tie-on-your-bum kind of dress. Yikes!  And although, that dress was scary I am very appreciative my parents married and had me (and I bet you are too!).

I am also grateful that my parents are divorced and remarried to their soul’s mates. I love my wicked stepmother (yes, I call her that to her face-jokingly of course) and Odd Seefeldt (sometimes the T gets cut off on his mail and my bro and I find it funny) to death!! I couldn’t have asked for fate to send me more loving and accepting parents who would raise me as their own.

I obviously, was at both my parents’ 2nd weddings. I was the flower girl (raise the roof. ow ow!) and I remember how special that day was for both sets of parents. I could feel the love between them and I was smitten. I had a fairytale sixth sense even way back then. I remember thinking my mother was the most beautiful princess lady in the history of the universe. I wanted to look like her when I grew up. (Matt thinks we’re twins – I don’t see it)

It seems the tradition of wearing your mother’s dress has kind of flopped. It’s very unheard of, or to me it is anyways but I don’t get out much either. I think it’s a special thing if your mother’s dress has been well kept and fits. My mom’s is in near perfect condition and we (or will be once I get back to my “normal” size) are the same size and height also!

For those of you wondering, the dress is from the early 90s. Yes, it has puffy sleeves at the top of the shoulders. So before YOU start hyperventilating I will let you know… no, I am not keeping the sleeves. Calm down. After all, it’s not your wedding dress right? And no, I haven’t lost my bloody mind. The dress is stunning. I love the full satin skirt of the dress and the long cathedral lace-y beaded train. I am in love with lace sleeves and I think an off the shoulder long lace-sleeve is just what this dress needs to update and “brandi” brand the dress. J

My mom is pretty excited and so am I! I am excited to wear the dress she wore that day in October when I was in awe of what a beauty she was. I’m excited to wear a dress that started a tight-knit blended family and begin my fairytale with Matthew like my mother did with my step-dad. (It’s so weird referring to my step-parents as step-mom and step-dad. In real life it’s mom, mom, dad, dad and friends are left to figure out who the hell I’m chatting about! hehe). I’m excited to start a tradition perhaps my future curtain climbers/bed wetters will continue. But most of all, I’m excited to marry Matthew and start/continue our family traditions with him...

(Me and Ma shortly before it wasn't just "the girls" anymore. I don't have an explanation for the hair. The bigger the hair the closer you are to Heaven??)

Tuesday, September 20, 2011


Do you ever have those days (or weeks or months) where you just can’t win? I am having that kind of year and I can’t help but feel like Eeyore. I wish I could publicly explain and discuss some of the things Matt and I are going through as a couple and as individuals trying to deal with our grief from losing Thomas. It really is too personal to post.

I am sure some of you who regularly read my blog are like “Jeez, it’s been 7 months it should be getting better.” Well, it’s not. Grief and losing a loved one and trying to make it through the seasonal/holiday changes is hard. Beyond hard.  A lot of people I try to talk to about this don’t understand or aren’t compassionate to our grief. They don’t realize how much it changes your life and how hard it is to live without someone you were with all the time. Please don't judge another and how they deal until you’ve been in their shoes and viewed life through their eyes.  

Anyways, I’m 22 years old and feel as though I’m stuck in between adolescence and adult world. Which one is it? I’m too old to be acting like a kid yet too young to be dealing with all these emotions, life changing decisions and bills at once? I think that’s how the world works though. It will throw things your way whether you’re ready or not. I can’t help but feel overwhelmed with who I am and where I am going.  I’m a planner and I don’t have a plan. It gives me anxiety to no end.

I know. I know. And I’m trying to make the best of every situation and opportunity but sometimes I just feel like I haven’t even got the emotional energy to put my all or even half of all into anything. With school I feel so blah-zay. I hate my business major and everything about it. I’ve been going to school and picking majors for my Mom. Dental Hygiene, Nursing, Accounting, and Business – I hate them all! I picked these majors so I could be financially successful and to make anyone but myself happy. I don’t want to do it. I don't care about money, I just want happiness! I would like to do something that interests me and helps others. I wish my major would just come to me. Spelled out in clouds perhaps? That’d be nice God if you’re reading this.

I can’t seem to find my niche – for anything in life. I don’t want to settle but I am just stating the facts. Maybe my niche is just being mediocre at EVERYTHING. I’m not extremely good at anything or extremely bad…just kinda there. Mediocrity Extrodinaire remember? That’s how I’ve felt my whole entire life. When is my time to shine? When/how will I find what I’m supposed to excel at? When will I find the internal self control to be my best emotionally, in my physical health, writing, school, etc. etc. etc?

Some have such faith in me that I can do it and I just wish I had the same. I feel like my own worst enemy all day everyday. How do I change when I’m the only one who can change me but I don’t feel I have the emotional strength to help myself? I drive myself crazy. I have a wedding in a year and I am in no way prepared physically. I really did “let myself go” so for all of you who talked behind my back – I already knew this. I cannot be this on me and Matthew’s wedding day. I’ll be paranoid and crying about how ugly I feel. I want to feel beautiful. I don’t feel beautiful – inside or out.

I'm just at a loss. Everyday I'm challenged with new things that I wasn't prepared for. Everyday waking up is a battle to make it through the day. I think I need a tattoo that says "just breathe..." to remind me to "just breathe." Also, I want you to know that I'm not one of those people who doesn't appreciate every single day because I do. Ask my friends.. I'm always up for it all because I know I may not have tomorrow. That's just the thing though I'll be like "what's the point of not eating this cookie....if I died tomorrow I'd want to eat this." Well, I think I need to start doing things like it's my last day but not eating that way. Hahaha, omg.......I hope you laughed because I did. Really though, I need to stop thinking I'm going to die tomorrow. Leaving an impression on people as if you were a person who was going to die tomorrow and living and planning as if you were going to live to be 99 would be best.  

I have to find my inner strength somehow, I just haven't yet. Maybe you have to break down to stand back up ya know? I'm going to have to reflect on how I can better myself and STICK WITH IT! That's half the battle, following your plans all the way through. I need some Winnie-the-Pooh and Tiggers out there to help me out and give me some friendly advice ; )

Nautical Navy & Coral

I dont' know what it is about weddings centered around nautical decor that I love so much. Perhaps it's being named after the song, Brandi by Looking Glass (my mom obviously loved this song and yes, I'm serious this is why she named me Brandi...), or perhaps there's something so chic and sea-lovely about them. I've always wondered what it would be like to grow up on the east coast living in a town where 95% of the jobs are fishing oriented. My grandma was born and raised in Maine and I've always envisioned growing up there very nautical. Anyways, this wedding that I found via Style Me Pretty was designed by Katy Carrier Events and photographed by Shannon Lee Images. This union was stunning with navy, coral, peach and white as it's colour palette! I love love love all the little details and gol, dang the color palette is just awesome! I'm a blue though. I've always loved any shade of, dark, navy, light, baby, royal, etc. Enough with my babble - Enjoy the nautical navy wedding Sparklers!

My favs:
1) the outdoor sitting area
2) the cake/treat table
3) the navy bridesmaid polish (small touches!)
4) ring bearer pillow
5) the clothespins backdrop!!

Friday, September 16, 2011

Engagement Ring Alternatives

Ahh! I am finally doing what I've had in the back of my brain for awhile now! Engagement ring alternatives! I googled my heart out so I hope you Sparklers enjoy!! If you're on the verge of getting engaged or just like to look to have in mind for "someday" then I suggest you find something unique and "you" - after all, you do wear this lil' thing forever.

I had to start it out with a replica of Bella Swan's ring from the Twilight Saga. When I first saw it I remember thinking how stunning I thought it was!! So unique!

This blue number is BEAUTIFUL!

I just wanted to include my pretty ring : ) hehe.

The following are pearl engagement rings! This one doesn't look like pearls I don't think more like elephant ivory but the shape is awesome!!

I love the very top right and very bottown left!

For those of you who have seen princess and the frog know why I picked this one ; )

black diamond just like my soul ; )

a 1920's replica engagement!

These both are agates. I absolutely am surprising in love with them. I'd be jealous of someone with these!! How awesome!?

citrine peridot! so cool!!

This pink Tacori ring. st.un.ning!!!

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Disney Inspired Outfits

So... If I was living in a perfect world (clearly I'm not) I would dress as a Disney character everyday. No, not in a costume in everday clothes that LOOK like a Disney character. See what I'm saying? Okay... well, if you don't thankfully College Fashion has put together outfits from several Disney characters!!

Example for Mickey Mouse:

To view the other Disney Characters just click below! Enjoy!! (of course I did...)
Sleeping Beauty
Snow White
The Lion King
The Nightmare Before Christmas Part 2
The Evil Queen
Cruella De Vil

completely awesome right?!

My personal bridal look.

I wanted to share with you the look I'm striving towards for our wedding day! I don't feel as though I'm spoiling the surprise because even though I'm going for "this look" or "that look" I will make it my own and it will turn out different but equally fab! Enjoy!!

aww, Julianne Hough I may have a slight girl crush on you. You're gorgeous! &This is the hair color and makeup I am going for.

Jewelry - oo la la - they don't call me the bling queen for no reason.

How could I take on roll of Mrs. Wildlife without a fur the weather may be chilly! ; ) (p.s: Matt would never let me wear faux - he says that would be embarassing)

I like to call these my modern Cinderella shoes! (already bought! that's how it goes right?... shoes, jewelry and then dress?)

AND how could I have a "woodland fairytale" wedding without a floral crown?

a little different but that's how I like it!

a big THANK YOU!

Today I wanted to share with you a person I can’t seem to thank enough. I’m already tearing up trying to find a way to thank her. She is truly passionate about helping others and encouraging them to reach a healthy lifestyle. She understands bad days and is there anytime to listen and leave me with encouraging words. It seems when all I do is put myself down she reminds me of all the positives I have been working on and how important a positive mind set is.

This fabulous lady, Lindsay Stroschein, is an official beachbody coach and is truly in the business to help others. She introduced me to Shakeology (which I now cannot live without – check it out here.) and my fitness program, Slim in 6 by Debbie Sieber. We worked together to find a program that would be right for me and she has encouraged me every step of the way. I have myself to thank for wanting to change and her to thank for being so supportive and understanding. I truly want healthy eating and exercise to become a lifestyle and not a diet and she is a great person to work with and look up to to do just that.

Those of you looking for a boost of energy, fuel to get you through the day, trying to lose weight or just plain want all the nutrients you need in a day I urge you to look into Shakeology. There are ways to get great discounts such as becoming a beachbody coach. I would not encourage a product I didn’t believe in! The taste is incredible and so are the benefits I get physically and emotionally! I am more alert, energized and satisfied.
If you’re looking for a way to get fit or just want the emotional boost exercise gives you I would advise you to contact Lindsay. Where there’s a will there’s a way. All you need to do is DECIDE. COMMIT. AND then… SUCCEED!!!!

p.s: this is part of working on my bucket list - I didn't forget ; ) I'm a long ways from my goal but I'm workin on it! Half the journey is what I learn along the way right?

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Willy Wonka Inspired Wedding Shoot

I would just like to apologize first off because it's been forever and a day since I've blogged. Truth is I've been a little down in the dumps lately and I just got my computer back from the computer dr. I promise to continue blogging - especially about my bucket list as that is my main priority. I want to look back and smile at all the emotions I've felt in my crazy outings and triumphs.

Anyways, I wanted to make a come back with a Willy Wonka inspired wedding shoot I found via Green Wedding Shoes styled and photographed by Kay English.

The closest we'll ever get to living in a Willy Wonka world. Enjoy Sparklers and candy lovers : )

I know this sounds a little off but it IS a Willy Wonka wedding. So my top five favorites about this wedding shoot is:

1) the golden ticket invite!
2) the groom's purple top hat!
3) the ring pop ring :)
4) the mason jar cupcakes (duh!)
5) the stunning bride as a whole!

what were your favorites?