Tuesday, March 13, 2012


This is how I feel everyday.

Well, if the title isn’t blunt enough…..
This post has been a long time coming. I’ve had things I’ve wanted to say but couldn’t and wouldn’t. I’m dealing with situations now that I never dreamt I would be. And I don’t want to “sugar coat” (pun intended) the truth about how I feel about myself any longer.
As many of you know, I’m now a Beachbody Coach! I own my own business and help others work towards and REACH their fitness goals. A lot of people have told me they are “watching me” – watching my progress to see how well the fitness program I’ve chosen and Shakeology are working for me.
Well, now that I’m preggers I cannot, in any way, reach the physical goals I had set for myself in the beginning. I feel like I let myself and those around me down in a weird way. I have been going through this realm of emotions – like hourly – that go from excited to nervous to scared to sad.
Excited because I will have a precious (& hopefully healthy) baby boy or girl – (ps: Matt and I are still like, “I can’t believe I’m carrying MATT LENZEN’S baby!” and he’s like, “I cannot believe you are pregnant with MY kid!” – Anyone that knew us from High School can tell you why it’s bizarre. On a side note does anyone remember those silk button up dragon shirts he used to wear? LOL!!)
Nervous and Scared because I know N-O-T-H-I-N-G about motherhood, hanging out with a baby OR the entire human race….how do you raise children to be functional members of society and know won’t turn out to be Hitler or Charles Manson-esque. They had mother’s too ya know!
Sad because I feel like my whole life is about to change. Everything I’ve ever known is going to be so different. My 3 best friends aren’t engaged, pregnant or even dating! I feel like their lives are just beginning and mine is already figured out for me. (This is my selfish hormonal rage…I’m blaming it on that anyways.) I guess that’s what I get for spreading my legs!But again, I’m told it’s worth it.
Anyways, I’m also feeling an overwhelming feeling of insecurity. To be completely honest, I’ve went a long time without admitting how insecure I REALLY am. I never would admit to anyone – myself included – that I hate how I look, feel, etc. I feel FUGLY regardless of what you, my mom or God think.
I feel as though my whole body already looks like cottage cheese and I wanted to look good this summer! I’m horrified as to how I will look and feel this summer and my friends’ weddings. I’m crying thinking about it actually. And I sound so dang selfish!!
I am trying my best to stay positive and I have reevaluated my goals. Because being morbidly obese (that’s fun to say about myself) I can actually lose a tiny bit of weight during pregnancy and be completely fine. My new goal is 4 lbs/month with still eating the right amount of calories for me and baby + exercising safely. I plan on doing my Slim in 6 video which is mostly made up of cardio, resistance training and 100,000 squats. I can do it all minus the ab portion. I also plan on walking and doing a Beachbody baby yoga video later in my pregnancy.)
I guess I just get down because I cannot do what I had my mind set on. I’ve always been known as an extrovert and the past couple years I can REALLY feel my weight has affected that. That’s why anytime someone BEGS me to go to the bar or do this or that I usually make up an excuse as to why I can’t. Sad, but true.
What kind of LIFE is THAT?! That’s NOT how I pictured myself living. That’s why becoming a Beachbody Coach has literally, been the best thing in the ENTIRE universe for me. I never ever would have stuck with eating right/exercising this long. I encourage you to ask me about it! There are amazing opportunities – not only health wise but $ wise!
Anyways, I guess I just wanted to let the world know that I, Brandi Mother-Bleepin’ Carpenter, gets insecure sometimes too. I honestly am my own worst critic. I compare myself to myself. I look at pictures from 4-5 years ago and I think, “How the EFF did I let myself gain 100 lbs????? How the EFF does someone do that?????” I did though and it’s time to face it, slowly conquer it and MOVE on. I’m gonna do it even with this beautiful baby detour!! J

For those of you who are better with visual:




  1. Minus the whole baby thing, I've totally been where you are. One day I woke up and was like, "Wait...where did these five extra pants sizes come from?!?" And I realized that I'd boxed myself into this little world where I hated going out...because I was so insecure about my body. I just never felt good. And then I started this little weight loss journey that was exhausting, longer than I thought but still totally worth it.

    You're a beautiful girl, Brandi. (Regardless of how you feel about yourself at this exact second, you are beautiful.) You're going to have a beautiful baby. And that TOTALLY screws up your goals, but it's also a huge, huge bonus, because now you have the ultimate reason to learn to love yourself and be the best version of yourself you can be. :)

    I know you're going to do great...both at being a mother and at reaching your goals, even if they wind up taking a little bit longer because there's some baby-growin' to do. :)

    I'm proud of you. It takes a lot to admit that you have insecure days, or that there's something you'd really like to conquer. You'll do it, girl. I know it. :)

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  3. I can relate to everything you wrote about. Being overweight is hard enough then adding baby weight on top of it makes it even worse. The most important part is that you know what to do to change the way you feel and you have stuck with it. Being pregnant is so hard with the emotions and all of the thoughts that you have about your life and feeling like its over. And no matter what you know about raising a child you will be a good mother. Just remember all the things your mom has taught you. Hopefully after the baby you will be able to stick to a workout plan even with lack of sleep. It wont be easy but you are storng and will stay focused.
    You are beautiful no matter what you say about yourself and when the weight comes off that will just add to it.