THINGS I'M AFRAID TO TELL YOU

I’ve decided tojoin on the blogger challenge bandwagon “things I’m afraid to tell you” made widely popular on the blogosphere by Creature Comforts (go read her post…it hits the nail on the head!)


Andddd for those of you too lazy to read all that (tisk! tisk!) she basically paints a beautiful picture about how we all [on social networking sites] seem to play up our life more beautiful than it really is. I agree with her about portraying a groomed portrayal of our lives. I mean, I never share the dirty or ordinary parts of my life. I look happy (&am for the most part) and hilarious (Just go with it…) plus scrubbing toilets over wedding deets isn’t as fun to blog about.

Here are some things I have been deathly afraid to tell you. And I will probably be pushing publish with my eyes closed and then will run outside and play for a couple hours because I’m afraid to see your comments and/or picture your silent judgements. 

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You know only my closest friends really know this stuff….
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Here goes nothing!
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I compare myself to others way too much. I feel like I don’t bring anything positive to the table – in any aspect of my life. I feel as though everyone around me is prettier, smarter, cooler, funnier, richer, etc. etc. (except for some...some people are just plain dumb and ug) It’s exhausting and I often wonder why in the world Matt would want to spend the rest of his life with me or the fact he likes to see me naked…but that’s a whole other blog post.

Anyways, if I didn’t care what people thought so much, I would positively say I was perfectly happy living in my 100 year old house with the love of my life, driving a 2008 car, 1.4 miles from my Mama. So why do I give a flying rip if I’M happy? I feel like others are judging me because I stayed in my hometown. It reminds me of one of my favorite Miranda Lambert songs though….

If I ever left this town
I’d never settle down
I’d just be wandering around
If I ever left this town

If I wasn’t by your side
I’d never be satisfied
Nothin’ would feel just right
If I wasn’t by your side

I just wrote the most depressing paragraph you’ve probably ever read up there but these lyrics are so true. When I wasn’t dating Matt and I wasn’t living here where my roots are I felt completely lost. So I guess I should stop caring.
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Not graduating college yet really wears on me. I mean really really wears on me. I lay awake at night beating myself up over it. I feel like I’ve let my parents down, not that they’ve ever implied that but I’m my own worst critic. I’m pretty sure I have officially decided to go back for Psychology though –VanWilder status here. (accounting is my current major = pound head on table multiple times)
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One of my biggest regrets that I never and I mean never talk about dates back to February of 2011. A few of my classmates and I had planned a Deadwood trip and I decided to sell some concert tickets I had because I needed the extra $100 for Deadwood. So I skipped out on the Blake Shelton concert I had so eagerly bought tickets for. I have alot of regret when it comes to selling those concert tickets. It was planned that I was to meet Thomas there. The last time we spoke was a phone call from him asking if I was still coming down the following night for the concert. Not that I feel like I could have stopped fate but I often think about how I could have at least seen that smile one last time. I think I mentioned this to someone once and they said I couldn’t beat myself up over it and they are definitely right but I always wonder “what if I would have been there…” and “why didn’t God want me there…” & another thing I’m afraid to admit is the fact that I still cry about Thomas' passing. A lot. Oddly, mostly on the sunniest of days and the days I can feel Matt missing him like crazy.
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As much as I can’t wait for little baby Lenzen to arrive I am scared out of my snakeskin boots to
1) go into labor {poop myself and to have my v rip to my b!!}
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2) to be responsible for another human being!! I mean is that not crazy to anyone else?! I will be in charge of this little creature! I will have to raise “it” to be a functional member of society…I mean am I capable of that?! Hilter and Charles Manson had moms!! & what if they have adhd and are so extremely naughty I want to strangle their brains out? What about cleft palate? I mean…ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. I just pray they are healthy and will be happy + well behaved and possibly even cute too. I just get overwhelmed thinking about having to care for another living thing though.

&

Sometimes when I’m with my friends I feel like that will be the last time we’ll ever be able to hang at the lake, have a sleepover, etc. That’s a true depressing moment I don’t mention to my friends because after all, it is what it is and it’s not their problem!!! If you’re my friend and you’re reading this will you reassure me you’ll still be my friend even though I have a mini-me?
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I don’t want to depend on my parents forever for my financial existence. They’ve helped me a lot over the years and have bailed me out of a lot of shiz. I want to be financially set on my own in the future. I don’t want to be banking on their hard earned bucks until I die – that’s their money, savings, etc to spend. They still pay my phone, insurance and car insurance cause they are awesome. Love you lads!
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I obviously hate my body. That’s nothing new to you though. It was terrifying letting you guys know that I was self-conscience when I first published the first post about my weight. I can feel people from my past (who’ve known skinny-me) judge me.... but I can’t let that bother me. I honestly know in my heart that I will get back to my HS weight – because I want it that bad! I’m just on a minor bump in the road with this baby inside me though and can’t go ballz to the wallz with workouts or weight loss/gain per my doctor.
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I want to use all babies breath for floral in our wedding. I can see the snarls now. Keep them to yourself please because something like this is pretty. {and cheap!}

photo credit

 



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That’s mostly everything I’ve been afraid to tell you. My life isn’t as cool as everyone thinks it is (if you do..) lol! I am just an ordinary person trying to make it in this world!

What are you afraid to tell me? I wanna know!! C’mon! I just shared a whole bunch with you. :)

Dry Skin Remedy for the Summer Heat

Most everyone in my family has extremely dry skin and Saturday my Grandma, who resides in Arizona for the winter, told us about what her and her gal pals use to keep their bodies moisturized in the AZ heat! Apparently, it works wonders and keeps them looking young. ;) She gave me the 3 ingredients that I mental noted and picked them up at Wal-Mart today to give it a whirl. I love love love it so far and it only took me 10 minutes to whip up!!

The ingredients consists of:

note to you: I used 2 vitamin E tubs because it came with 2 and didn't want it to be too greasy with the Vaseline.

Now that you have the ingredients...go home, put away groceries and add these into a mixing bowl!

A trick I learned working at JJ's was knifing the plastic bottle to get every ounce of shiz out of a plastic container.

&&&& this is what it looks like all together. yummy. (sorry for shizzy photos! damn iphone...)

Mix with hand mixer. Don't lick beaters with this project.

Wha-la!! Add to a plastic tub and call it a day.

***I would use a little less Vaseline next time so it's not so greasy because it takes a while to soak in I feel like (mostly on my hands..) but it has made my legs super duper soft! Now I just need to shave.....

Let me know if you make it and how you like it!

Girl's Gone Child: 19 weeks preggers

Is this okay anonymous? Not too in your face I hope.

 

How far along? 19 weeks! Close to half way and I cannot believe it!

Total weight gain: -10 lbs.
Maternity clothes? No "maternity" clothes but I bought some yogo capris on sale at none other than WallyWorld & of course my maxi dresses! Seriously, I will be LIVING in those this summer.
Stretch marks? None that weren’t there before!
Sleep: All. The. Time........I literally will lay down and be OUT!
Best moment this week: Feeling my hammy kick throughout the day, everyday! J
Miss Anything? BOOZE!
Movement: He/She won't stop moving!
Food cravings: none really in particular...still loving broasted chicken
Anything making you queasy or sick: I'm almost rid of my nausea!! Minus at night when I get heartburn and pukey all at once. I am starting to feel GREAT though!
Gender: (I think it's a boy...Matt thinks it's a girl...) Take our gender poll on the upper right to guess! J
Labor Signs: None.
Symptoms: Tired but other than that, I feel super good!
Belly Button in or out? INNY
Wedding rings on or off? on
Happy or Moody most of the time: I would say happy but that blasted turkey keeps attacking me.
Looking forward to: finding out the sex of the baby and buying a kiddie pool at Wal*Mart today. NOT for the baby but for me for hot summer days. hahaaaa. Matt won't put up the ginormous one this year because of all the chemicals and the fact we dump a gallon of bleach in a week...

If your preggers this summer or just like cute comfort head over to Wal*Mart and get some adorbs maxi dresses for $14.88. I have 5...the one missing is the one I'm wearing in the belly pic above :)

A Mother's Love: Warning! Ultrasound Pix

Yesterday, of course, was Mother’s day so Matt and I spent the day helping his mom do a couple things to help with planting flowers and then helped my mom do a couple things to help get ready for my brother’s graduation. We were helpers by day and shootin’ blackbirds by night. Matt and I were even on the amount we shot & I’m 99% sure we looked like total rednecks standing in our driveway, on top of an old wooden jungle gym, shooting birds. Oh well..

This is the gun Matt re-did for our friend, Thomas, who has passed. Matt is pretty proud of it considering it wasn’t working when he started it and it took a lot of time. I think it looks great and it shoots blackbirds wonderfully! *I know my hair looks ridiculous.

Anyways, some of you may not know that God has blessed me with two mothers in this lifetime. My parents were divorced when I was about 2 and both remarried when I was about 4. My step-parents have been around since I was like 3 and I can’t even remember my life before them. Hence, why I have 2 ladies I call mom and 2 gents I call dad. They are my family and I love them all.

Growing up with 2 moms (and 4 parents in general) meant quadruple the punishments, quadruple the advice, quadruple the laughter, quadruple the gifts and quadruple the love. I literally don’t know life any other way and even though my parents may not like each other (ha..) they have always been common in the one area: Me.

They all have different parenting skills but they always agreed in most things when it came to raising me. They are always trying to make sure that I live the best life and that I do what’s right. They all love me and all have different ways of showing it.

When it came to writing out Mother’s day cards yesterday I was speechless when it came to my mom’s. I mean, I didn’t know what to say!! Now that I’m going to become a mom I’m thinking about all the sacrifices they gave up when it came to me. All I could think of was “thank you…for everything in your whole life you’ve sacrificed and given up to give me a better life.” And with my step-mom’s it was, “I’m so blessed God has brought you into my life. I have such a close relationship with God because of you. Thank you & Love you!” I think Mom’s get taken for granted a bit, especially when it comes to a simple, “thank you.”

I mean, my mom carried me for 9 months and lost 50 pounds she was so sick. After that, she continued to give up sleep, fun, her youth and I’m sure, at times, her happiness to make sure I was well fed, happy, healthy, etc. for my whole life! Mom’s never quit being mom’s and they never stop loving or caring.

It is crazy to think I have more room for love when I already feel like my heart is going to burst from loving my family, friends, Matt and God so much but I love hammy so much already it’s un-freakin-believable. I cannot wait to be a mom and I never ever thought I would say that but babies (especially mine, duh) are a true blessing and I’ve already formed a bond with my child! I know I will be a great mother because I have the two best examples of love, fun and sacrifice.

These ultrasound pictures were taken over a month ago and at our next one we find out the gender -May 29th - take the gender poll!  

My child is a mermaid.

The Glamorous Life of a Bird Wife: HA!

The devil lives at my house. Although in biblical times he was disguised as a serpent, he has now changed identities and is portraying an “angelic” looking turkey aka HE’S ALL WHITE and I thought he would be nice but he is NOT!!!! I thought when Matt got this thing, it’d be KIND and GENTLE (are you picturing Belle describing the Beast to Gaston…in that voice? Okay, I’m the only freak then.) and wouldn’t like humans and would sympathetically leave me alone. HA!!

This thing has literally been giving me grief. He is like threatened by me, my car or something and is trying to show his dominance but you know what?! IT’S MY EFFING HOUSE and I’m going to show MY dominance! He runs after me when I go outside and so I have to sprint to my car. He runs after my car when I leave the driveway and towards my car when I pull in the driveway. And shocker, he waits for me to get out too and then continues to run after me.

Matt’s like, “Brandi, he’s not going to hurt you.”

……Okay, just because you’re a skilled bird rancher and I’m a measly civilian doesn’t mean he doesn’t have HUGE talons and a fugly beard. I don’t care if he’s just peckin’ at my toes or gawkin’ at my crotch. I’m SICK AND TIRED OF IT. I told him if he doesn’t pen that f***** up I will shoot him. (the bird)

“Don’t think I won’t!!” I said. “My pregnancy hormones are in full bore and I’m sick of that thing!!!!”

He told me to shoot it like I was being dramatic and wouldn’t do it.

I can’t be the only woman in the world who would feel this way. I doubt many would even let him have as many stupid pets as he does (pet rock gal here..) and I am not going to strategically carry in groceries or a NEWBORN baby. That means, if he doesn’t fix something up this weekend, I will have you all over for a turkey supper - Thanksgiving style. My treat!!

GOALS - May 2012

Tonight's post is inspired by my friend and fellow Beachbody Coach, Lindsay! She posted some of her AWESOME goals for the year and it inspired me to write some of my own! I've been feeling pretty down and blah lately and I decided I'm ready to get back on track again. For me, there's nothing better than having a plan of attack and a route to get there. I'm a planner for furburger sure but let's not bore you and get right to it!

**Help as many people as I can realize they too can do anything they set their mind to. I will also try and be as supportive as I can in their endeavor whether it's being a coach, mom, co-worker, friend, spouse, sister, etc.**

**Cut out fast food completely for 1 year (probably will start June 1!!)**

**Help ALL my coaches reach Emerald status with Beachbody!!**

**Pay off my car..............then all I owe is $62,000 on my home to be debt free! woohoo!** 

**Finish Medical Transcription school by December**

**Save $5,000 from now until the baby arrives (5 months!)**

**Help as many pregnant, post-pregnant or just mommy's in general gain their self-confidence and their pre-baby body back!**

**Consistently make $400/week with Beachbody by end of 2012**

**Lose 100 lbs by 09/13**

There you have it! A few of my May 2012 goals! & please feel free to share with me your goals because I'm a snoop like that! :)

Girl's Gone Child: 18 Weeks Preggers

Today’s post has got me with Tim McGraw’s “Where the Green Grass Grows” song lyrics stuck in my bloody head! Particularly this part:

I'm gonna live where the green grass grows
Watch my corn pop up in rows
Every night be tucked in close to you
Raise our kids where the good Lord's blessed
Point our rocking chairs towards the west

Probably because before I was preggers and heard this song I always got that warm fuzzy feeling picturing watching Matt, our kids and I on a hot summer night at home surrounded by corn and/or soybeans (depending on the year!),  drinking from a mason jar, cooking hot dogs and watching our blonde-haired blue-eyed kids running around chasing chickens! How cheesy are my mental pictures?!?! Oh well…moving onward…

I love all the cute ideas out there to track a growing belly, cravings, etc. I figure it’s about time I start tracking some things about my pregnancy that I can just print out and add to my hammy’s baby book! I have to get after it so I have some fun things to show the babes when they get older! I want to make their baby book fun because I always love looking at my baby book!

“Scare me!” was a common phrase of mine that my family still teases me about. Anything I didn’t like or that scared me I’d say, “scare me!” Example: as a child it would be things such as school, green beans, Disney villains and now if my family is sitting around talking about ex-boyfriends or bad memories my siblings, dad or someone will randomly shout, “SCARE ME!!!” haha, yeah…20 years later because I said it that much as a kid!!

 I promise to start belly pictures soon! Although, I really just feel like my FUPA is larger and harder and NO ONE wants to see that! In the mean time here’s a picture of future ma and pa.

Anyways, here goes the first week of tracking “fun” preggers stuff....

How far along? 18 weeks tomorrow! Close to half way and I cannot believe it!

Total weight gain: -11 lbs.
Maternity clothes? Not quite. Just using a pony tail to hold my jeans on or just not zipping or buttoning my pants at all. I should probably go shopping…
Stretch marks? None that weren’t there before!
Sleep: All. The. Time.
Best moment this week: Finding out Matthew is NOT a carrier of my “mutant” disease! J
Miss Anything? BOOZE! Particularly RUM!  
Movement: strong strong butterflies in my tummy a majority of the time!
Food cravings: fried chicken and sour skittles
Anything making you queasy or sick: pretty much anything! Bad smells, icky food, etc. Thank God for the promethazine gel my dr. prescribed me cause that stuff has taken away my nausea! I call it the “magic stick”
Gender: We find out in 20 days!! Take our gender poll on the upper right to guess! J 
Labor Signs: None.
Symptoms: Tired, Nauseous, CRANKY – but what’s new, eh?!
Belly Button in or out? INNY
Wedding rings on or off? on
Happy or Moody most of the time: Moody!
Looking forward to: central air conditioning and finding out the gender of our precious little sun spot!

Also, I hereby vow to be one of those mom’s who tracks ALL their kids’ events for the baby books. I know usually the 2^nd and 3^rd child has like only 1 thing filled out in their baby book because life with 2+ little ones gets busy! I know my poor brothers have very little baby pictures and I’m not even sure if they have a baby book?! LOL!

****This post dedicated to my dad who was the only person to fill out my baby book! He was also pretty much the only one to take pictures of me as a child too. My mom always cuts off heads and is always forgetting her camera at events (like my High School graduation and Senior Prom……..no hard feelings ma……)*****



Bethany's Booze Bouquet

Saturday was my friend Bethany's graduation/going away party! She's leaving for Texas in a few weeks to attend grad school at the University of Texas!! (insert proud friend pin) Anyways, they hired a dj and got a couple kegs and we all had a good (sober for preggers ppl) time.


I wanted to make her something cute and fun and came across a groomsmen booze bouquet on Pinterest so I decided to put my 13 years of 4H to good use and crafted away! It literally only took me 30 minutes or so. I hot glued the shots to skewers, filled the pot with gravel (so it wouldn't get top heavy), placed the shots where I wanted them and made it "pretty" with the faux moss and bow! Pretty easy to do and make adorable gifts!

Have a great day Sparklers and don't forget to cast your vote on the Baby Lenzen gender poll!

Today I will be...

Today I woke up late…

I forgot my bagel…

My alarm didn't go off...

I forgot an item I was supposed to bring my friend Kelsey…

I can’t zip or button the pants I’m wearing…

But I decided…

Because I got a call from the nurse…

My blood test that tests for downs syndrome, spina bifida and trisomy 18 came back negative!

(They’ve never had one that’s been wrong since they’ve started this new test) J

That means (fingers crossed) our baby will be HAPPY and HEALTHY.

My mind is more at ease…

I’m going to put my trust in God and know He is taking care of baby Lenzen!

& like Thomas’ Mom said, “God won’t give us more than we can handle.”

 I pray God knows I can’t handle ADHD.

Monthly Favorites: April

I have been watching a crap ton of beauty-related youtube videos and reading blog after blog lately looking for baby do’s and don’ts (so far I’ve found the Boppy  is a must among all newborn mothers). Anyways, as I was browsing, I noticed a trend of monthly favorites. A lot of times I decide whether or not a product is worthy of my hard earned buck based on these reviews! So I thought I’d start doing my favorites for the month so you can get an idea of what I’m using and what I love and occasionally, hate.

All products for the month of April are pretty much found at your local wallyworld. Go figure, right? Can’t really blame me though remember? I’m a pregnant redneck trying to save my teef + I have a hick reputation to uphold here.

 Here we go!

Check it out here!

Maybelline Color Tattoo 24 Hour Cream Gel Shadow in Tenacious Teal – I was in one of my, “I wanna buy something” moods and decided to try this stuff out to wear as liner. I ended up LOVING it because it makes my eyes POP and it doesn’t crumble or fade. It’s true to it’s name! My mom even tossed her Estee Lauder stuff and bought some J

 

Check it out here!

Scarzone Diminishing Cream – This is dumb but I have chin scars from picking at zits. I swear my chin is the only place I will get a pimple and now I have little freckle looking scars. They drive me CRAZY!! I have nice skin without foundation and I’d like to keep it that way since most days I’m too laze-balls to put makeup on!

Zac Efron! – Jusssst kidding, ladies! It was just the best picture I could find on Google that didn’t obtain someone with a black eye. He is cute though and I have yet to see The Lucky One! Anyone seen it!? I’m a sucker for a good chick flick.

I actually, was searching google for..

Wife Beaters – I know I give Matt a lot of shit about wearing these ALL. THE. TIME. in the warmer months but they truly are comfy pjs. My boobs are free to breathe and I need comfort when I sleep nowadays!

Check it out at your local wal-mart and/or trailer park! :)

Check it out here!

Cleark American (Insert Favorite Flavor) Sparkling Water – these waters have been a savior during this pregnancy! I have always needed something carbonated to help settle my stomach and I was getting SO SICK of Sprite. I feel gross when I drink a lot of pop so this is like my guilt-free bev! Plus, they have a pineapple coconut flavor that tastes ALMOST like rum (not really but I like to pretend) and anything rum-related gets me all giddy.

Check it out here!

Cocoa Butter Formula Skin Therapy Oil – helps dry skin/stretch marks and a whole bunch of other shiz but the box had me at STRETCH. Doesn’t smell as potent as regular cocoa butter lotion either so I dig that. Smells are makin’ me gag like crazy lately.

Check it out here!

Clinique All About Eyes Serum De-Puffing Massage – I got this as a sample when I bought some things at Clinique and I use it after my moisturizer and it totally takes away the creases I usually get from my foundation under my eyes! I love it! It’s got a cooling sensation too. Pretty nifty!

Hope you enjoyed and have found some helpful products for your future/current endeavors! Don’t forget about the Baby Lenzen Gender poll in the upper right! ONLY 25 days left to vote!

Enjoy your weekend and Cinco De Mayo Sparklers! I will be busy celebrating my friend, Bethany’s, undergrad/going away party before she moves to TX and attends grad school there! I can’t wait to post what I made her!

Baby Update

Life has certainly been busy ‘round these parts and bloggin’ just hasn’t been top priority! I apologize.

Tomorrow will mark the start of my 17th week being preggers. Not really showing yet, my fupa is just larger and harder and I am holding my jeans together with a ponytail holder.

Boy, if there’s one thing I wish sex education would have covered would be how awful pregnancy can be. Everyone, of course, knows about “morning sickness” which in all actuality is puking whenever the eff your baby deems plausible. I feel worse at night to be honest and CANNOT eat after 2pm unless I want to be calling dinosaurs all damn evening.  It is very odd that my 2nd trimester has been the most trying. My mother said she was the same way though. When everyone was telling her she’d start feeling better soon she just got progressively worse and lost nearly 50 lbs when she was pregnant with me. I’m -11 lbs this month and am not really branching out of the “carb” food group. Literally, just buying bakery bread and breaking off pieces here and there throughout the morning.

Another big change is that we switched doctors and boy am I so HAPPY about that! I am now going to Dr. Jones in Watertown and he’s amazing!! I was skeptical about having another male looking at my lady parts but he’s just so awesome!! He was genuinely interested and concerned about my Thalassemia and wondering (like every other person) how the HECK I have this disorder since I don’t look asian or greek (I don’t?).

We are currently STILLwaiting for our genetic testing results and I also had blood drawn to test to see if our baby has downs syndrome, spin bifida, etc. “Dear God, please let our baby be healthy and happy!!”

We find out what we’re  having May 29th!! Do you think Baby Lenzen will be a boy or a girl? Check out the poll to the upper right and cast your vote!

A picture for your enjoyment of me as a bambino in my DIPEY.