Girl's Gone Child: 28 Weeks

{Mom has done nothing worthy of posting a picture of but Dad caugh a keeper walleye this week!}

How far along? 28 {29 in 2 days}
 
Total weight gain: I gained 6 pounds this month…whoops.

Maternity clothes? YUP!!!!

Stretch marks? Yes! :( 

Sleep: My hemoglobin was a 7.8 this morning so we’re waiting on the iron levels to see if the doctor wants me to do a blood transfusion. No wonder I’ve been so tired! This may sound awful but I sleep better when Matt sleeps on the couch and I can sprawl out with my body pillow. Needless to say, he will be camping in the living room from here on out!! I need those heartbeat pillows I found on Pinterest that make it so you can listen to your significant others heartbeat. Although I can see myself yelling from the bedroom, “Can you tell your heart to be quiet?! I’m trying to sleep!” haha.

Best moment this week: Watching our doctor chuckle while listening to the baby’s heartbeat! He said, “He doesn’t like me bothering his mom! He keeps kicking me!”

Miss Anything? Sleep,booze, normal body temps, not feeling like a total cow, etc.

Movement: Yes! I get very scared when I haven’t felt him in a couple hours so kick away baby!

Food cravings: Food in general will do. ;)

Anything making you queasy or sick: I had my gestational diabetes test and the fluid they gave me to drink about made me hurl it was so sugary!

Gender: BOY!!

Labor Signs: nope! Still cookin’

Symptoms: exhaustion, charlie horses, etc.

Belly Button in or out? IN

Wedding rings on or off? on

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy! Feeling good.

Looking forward to: seeing everyone at the baby shower this Sunday!

Girl's Gone Child: 21 Weeks

IT'S A BOY :)

I had an unbelievable response to “Things I’m Afraid toTell You” – like, it was overwhelming amazing!! I received so many texts, emails, Facebook messages/posts, etc. I was so happy you didn’t think I was a FREAK and it was so sweet of you to share your secrets with me too! It was actually interesting and refreshing to see how the fears I had, you guys had. They truly were common fears! It just proves we’re all more alike than we sometimes think and that was just an awesome reminder.  

Anyways, I feel like SO much has gone on since the last time I posted! And I am SO sorry! I have been so busy with mandatory 2 hour overtime per day at work and going balls to the walls with my medical transcription school so I can *hopefully* work from home after maternity leave.  

Now for the week 21 baby questions! (Week 22 will be up soon since I am actually 22 weeks today! I’m a little behind okay) 

How far along? 21weeks! 

Total weight gain:-13 lbs

Maternity clothes? No"maternity" clothes but definitely rocking the yoga pants and maxi dresses like a mother…ha, literally.

Stretch marks? None that weren’t there before!

Sleep: Well, let’s see…The days I don’t work I go to bed at 9 or 10. I’ll wake up at around 9 and then nap from 1-5 or 6. REPEAT. I get so tired I can’t even keep my eyes open.

Best moment this week: Finding out he/she is a HE!!!!!!

Miss Anything? Rum + Coke.

Movement: The ultrasound tech. and the doctors say they haven’t seen a baby move like ‘this’ in a long time. I pray that doesn’t mean adhd or a baby who doesn’t like to cuddle.

Food cravings: I dreamt about crinkle cut fries on Sunday night and was jonesin’ for some. It was Memorial Day though and no place was open. And I would kill someone for an Arby’s roast beef sandwich right now.

Anything making you queasy or sick: cigarettes, burnt maple bacon (oops), Matt if he hasn’t showered, seeing bird shit everywhere. UGH.

Gender: BOY!! (I pray our next one is a girl and then we can be D-O-N-E!)

Labor Signs: None.

Symptoms: Tired but other than that, I feel super good!

Belly Button in or out? INNY

Wedding rings on or off? on

Happy or Moody most of the time: Depends on when/where you catch me ;) it could be a smile one minute and bite-your-bloody-head off the next.

Looking forward to: The baby shower!! Lumberjack themed (because themed parties are more fun) Sunday, July 29th…invites will be mailed soon! I hope to see your smiling mustaches there ;)

THINGS I'M AFRAID TO TELL YOU

I’ve decided tojoin on the blogger challenge bandwagon “things I’m afraid to tell you” made widely popular on the blogosphere by Creature Comforts (go read her post…it hits the nail on the head!)


Andddd for those of you too lazy to read all that (tisk! tisk!) she basically paints a beautiful picture about how we all [on social networking sites] seem to play up our life more beautiful than it really is. I agree with her about portraying a groomed portrayal of our lives. I mean, I never share the dirty or ordinary parts of my life. I look happy (&am for the most part) and hilarious (Just go with it…) plus scrubbing toilets over wedding deets isn’t as fun to blog about.

Here are some things I have been deathly afraid to tell you. And I will probably be pushing publish with my eyes closed and then will run outside and play for a couple hours because I’m afraid to see your comments and/or picture your silent judgements. 

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You know only my closest friends really know this stuff….
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Here goes nothing!
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I compare myself to others way too much. I feel like I don’t bring anything positive to the table – in any aspect of my life. I feel as though everyone around me is prettier, smarter, cooler, funnier, richer, etc. etc. (except for some...some people are just plain dumb and ug) It’s exhausting and I often wonder why in the world Matt would want to spend the rest of his life with me or the fact he likes to see me naked…but that’s a whole other blog post.

Anyways, if I didn’t care what people thought so much, I would positively say I was perfectly happy living in my 100 year old house with the love of my life, driving a 2008 car, 1.4 miles from my Mama. So why do I give a flying rip if I’M happy? I feel like others are judging me because I stayed in my hometown. It reminds me of one of my favorite Miranda Lambert songs though….

If I ever left this town
I’d never settle down
I’d just be wandering around
If I ever left this town

If I wasn’t by your side
I’d never be satisfied
Nothin’ would feel just right
If I wasn’t by your side

I just wrote the most depressing paragraph you’ve probably ever read up there but these lyrics are so true. When I wasn’t dating Matt and I wasn’t living here where my roots are I felt completely lost. So I guess I should stop caring.
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Not graduating college yet really wears on me. I mean really really wears on me. I lay awake at night beating myself up over it. I feel like I’ve let my parents down, not that they’ve ever implied that but I’m my own worst critic. I’m pretty sure I have officially decided to go back for Psychology though –VanWilder status here. (accounting is my current major = pound head on table multiple times)
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One of my biggest regrets that I never and I mean never talk about dates back to February of 2011. A few of my classmates and I had planned a Deadwood trip and I decided to sell some concert tickets I had because I needed the extra $100 for Deadwood. So I skipped out on the Blake Shelton concert I had so eagerly bought tickets for. I have alot of regret when it comes to selling those concert tickets. It was planned that I was to meet Thomas there. The last time we spoke was a phone call from him asking if I was still coming down the following night for the concert. Not that I feel like I could have stopped fate but I often think about how I could have at least seen that smile one last time. I think I mentioned this to someone once and they said I couldn’t beat myself up over it and they are definitely right but I always wonder “what if I would have been there…” and “why didn’t God want me there…” & another thing I’m afraid to admit is the fact that I still cry about Thomas' passing. A lot. Oddly, mostly on the sunniest of days and the days I can feel Matt missing him like crazy.
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As much as I can’t wait for little baby Lenzen to arrive I am scared out of my snakeskin boots to
1) go into labor {poop myself and to have my v rip to my b!!}
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2) to be responsible for another human being!! I mean is that not crazy to anyone else?! I will be in charge of this little creature! I will have to raise “it” to be a functional member of society…I mean am I capable of that?! Hilter and Charles Manson had moms!! & what if they have adhd and are so extremely naughty I want to strangle their brains out? What about cleft palate? I mean…ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. I just pray they are healthy and will be happy + well behaved and possibly even cute too. I just get overwhelmed thinking about having to care for another living thing though.

&

Sometimes when I’m with my friends I feel like that will be the last time we’ll ever be able to hang at the lake, have a sleepover, etc. That’s a true depressing moment I don’t mention to my friends because after all, it is what it is and it’s not their problem!!! If you’re my friend and you’re reading this will you reassure me you’ll still be my friend even though I have a mini-me?
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I don’t want to depend on my parents forever for my financial existence. They’ve helped me a lot over the years and have bailed me out of a lot of shiz. I want to be financially set on my own in the future. I don’t want to be banking on their hard earned bucks until I die – that’s their money, savings, etc to spend. They still pay my phone, insurance and car insurance cause they are awesome. Love you lads!
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I obviously hate my body. That’s nothing new to you though. It was terrifying letting you guys know that I was self-conscience when I first published the first post about my weight. I can feel people from my past (who’ve known skinny-me) judge me.... but I can’t let that bother me. I honestly know in my heart that I will get back to my HS weight – because I want it that bad! I’m just on a minor bump in the road with this baby inside me though and can’t go ballz to the wallz with workouts or weight loss/gain per my doctor.
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I want to use all babies breath for floral in our wedding. I can see the snarls now. Keep them to yourself please because something like this is pretty. {and cheap!}

photo credit

 



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That’s mostly everything I’ve been afraid to tell you. My life isn’t as cool as everyone thinks it is (if you do..) lol! I am just an ordinary person trying to make it in this world!

What are you afraid to tell me? I wanna know!! C’mon! I just shared a whole bunch with you. :)

Girl's Gone Child: 18 Weeks Preggers

Today’s post has got me with Tim McGraw’s “Where the Green Grass Grows” song lyrics stuck in my bloody head! Particularly this part:

I'm gonna live where the green grass grows
Watch my corn pop up in rows
Every night be tucked in close to you
Raise our kids where the good Lord's blessed
Point our rocking chairs towards the west

Probably because before I was preggers and heard this song I always got that warm fuzzy feeling picturing watching Matt, our kids and I on a hot summer night at home surrounded by corn and/or soybeans (depending on the year!),  drinking from a mason jar, cooking hot dogs and watching our blonde-haired blue-eyed kids running around chasing chickens! How cheesy are my mental pictures?!?! Oh well…moving onward…

I love all the cute ideas out there to track a growing belly, cravings, etc. I figure it’s about time I start tracking some things about my pregnancy that I can just print out and add to my hammy’s baby book! I have to get after it so I have some fun things to show the babes when they get older! I want to make their baby book fun because I always love looking at my baby book!

“Scare me!” was a common phrase of mine that my family still teases me about. Anything I didn’t like or that scared me I’d say, “scare me!” Example: as a child it would be things such as school, green beans, Disney villains and now if my family is sitting around talking about ex-boyfriends or bad memories my siblings, dad or someone will randomly shout, “SCARE ME!!!” haha, yeah…20 years later because I said it that much as a kid!!

 I promise to start belly pictures soon! Although, I really just feel like my FUPA is larger and harder and NO ONE wants to see that! In the mean time here’s a picture of future ma and pa.

Anyways, here goes the first week of tracking “fun” preggers stuff....

How far along? 18 weeks tomorrow! Close to half way and I cannot believe it!

Total weight gain: -11 lbs.
Maternity clothes? Not quite. Just using a pony tail to hold my jeans on or just not zipping or buttoning my pants at all. I should probably go shopping…
Stretch marks? None that weren’t there before!
Sleep: All. The. Time.
Best moment this week: Finding out Matthew is NOT a carrier of my “mutant” disease! J
Miss Anything? BOOZE! Particularly RUM!  
Movement: strong strong butterflies in my tummy a majority of the time!
Food cravings: fried chicken and sour skittles
Anything making you queasy or sick: pretty much anything! Bad smells, icky food, etc. Thank God for the promethazine gel my dr. prescribed me cause that stuff has taken away my nausea! I call it the “magic stick”
Gender: We find out in 20 days!! Take our gender poll on the upper right to guess! J 
Labor Signs: None.
Symptoms: Tired, Nauseous, CRANKY – but what’s new, eh?!
Belly Button in or out? INNY
Wedding rings on or off? on
Happy or Moody most of the time: Moody!
Looking forward to: central air conditioning and finding out the gender of our precious little sun spot!

Also, I hereby vow to be one of those mom’s who tracks ALL their kids’ events for the baby books. I know usually the 2^nd and 3^rd child has like only 1 thing filled out in their baby book because life with 2+ little ones gets busy! I know my poor brothers have very little baby pictures and I’m not even sure if they have a baby book?! LOL!

****This post dedicated to my dad who was the only person to fill out my baby book! He was also pretty much the only one to take pictures of me as a child too. My mom always cuts off heads and is always forgetting her camera at events (like my High School graduation and Senior Prom……..no hard feelings ma……)*****



Baby Update

Life has certainly been busy ‘round these parts and bloggin’ just hasn’t been top priority! I apologize.

Tomorrow will mark the start of my 17th week being preggers. Not really showing yet, my fupa is just larger and harder and I am holding my jeans together with a ponytail holder.

Boy, if there’s one thing I wish sex education would have covered would be how awful pregnancy can be. Everyone, of course, knows about “morning sickness” which in all actuality is puking whenever the eff your baby deems plausible. I feel worse at night to be honest and CANNOT eat after 2pm unless I want to be calling dinosaurs all damn evening.  It is very odd that my 2nd trimester has been the most trying. My mother said she was the same way though. When everyone was telling her she’d start feeling better soon she just got progressively worse and lost nearly 50 lbs when she was pregnant with me. I’m -11 lbs this month and am not really branching out of the “carb” food group. Literally, just buying bakery bread and breaking off pieces here and there throughout the morning.

Another big change is that we switched doctors and boy am I so HAPPY about that! I am now going to Dr. Jones in Watertown and he’s amazing!! I was skeptical about having another male looking at my lady parts but he’s just so awesome!! He was genuinely interested and concerned about my Thalassemia and wondering (like every other person) how the HECK I have this disorder since I don’t look asian or greek (I don’t?).

We are currently STILLwaiting for our genetic testing results and I also had blood drawn to test to see if our baby has downs syndrome, spin bifida, etc. “Dear God, please let our baby be healthy and happy!!”

We find out what we’re  having May 29th!! Do you think Baby Lenzen will be a boy or a girl? Check out the poll to the upper right and cast your vote!

A picture for your enjoyment of me as a bambino in my DIPEY.

G e n e t i c s C o u n s e l i n g

When I was first diagnosed with my blood disorder, Beta Thalassemia, I was told when I was pregnant it would need to be a planned pregnancy. I previously miscarried and I was never sure why. Whether it was my blood disorder or not in God's plan or perhaps a combination of those and several other things. So a planned pregnancy has been a bust two times thus far.

A few other things I was told when I was diagnosed was that I shouldn't drink (ha, don't listen to that either. Ima cheap drunk though.) and that we'd need to continue to watch my hemoglobin throughout my life. My hemoglobin usually rests at 8 which is when blood transfusions are usually used. We decided then that we would wait and not do transfusions since I had lived my whole life without them anyways. The doctor stated when pregnancy rolled around that it would be a different story though. To our surprise my hemoglobin is at an 11! "Pregnancy likes you so far!" my doctor said but also stated we'd need genetic counseling to make sure Matthew wasn't a carrier of this blood disorder and to speak with a doctor who deals with high risk pregnancies.

So yesterday we met with a genetics counselor in Sioux Falls and I guess you could say I wasn't mentally prepared. I wasn't aware at how serious this could actually be if Matt were to be a carrier. Most people with/carry the Thalassemia trait are from the Mediterranean area and so I guess, it freaks me out even more Matt's grandfather's roots are from that area. If he were to be a carrier and our child is born with Alpha Thalassemia the child's quality of life would be almost non-existent if they even live through pregnancy and birth. That's when the doctors throw the word, "options" around which is hard just to think about when I have always felt every life has value.

Matt is pretty confident he is "fine" - like he would have symptoms if he was a carrier of certain genes that would conflict with mine. We, of course, have at least 2 weeks until we find out any sort of results and the suspense is draining and I'm only on day 1! Here's where I have a hard time giving my worries to God and trusting that He knows what's best for everyone in the situation. It's hard to give up control, ya know? I always enjoy talking with Thomas' family and his Mom reminded me God wouldn't give me anything I couldn't handle. So I'm going to try to be POSITIVE and enjoy my pregnancy. I no longer really worry about miscarrying again since I'm a sliver away from being complete with my first trimester! My lower stomach is starting to get really firm (first time in ages, hehe) and Baby Lenzpipes is the size of a lime!

How we told our Mother's we are preggers.

{pins custom made by Buttonit on Etsy}

Well, if you haven't noticed my Facebook page or the title to this blog entry....Matthew and I are expecting our first baby. "Hammy" as I like to call them. I liked the name Hamilton so I could call them, "my little hammy" but Matt shot that down like it was a tirty point buck.

So there we were 7 home pregnancy tests and a clinic visit later confirming we were pregnant. After the doctor's, "everything happens for a reason - it's all God's plan" pep-talk and the panic settled I got excited and wanted to think of a fun way to tell our parents.

When my "Grammy Ratliff" was alive she always and I do mean always wore a 'Grandma' pin. Missing her is a whole other bajillion blog posts. Anyways, I found these adorable pins on etsy and immediately had the owner custom make one for each of our mom's. (It's my mom's first grandbaby so I wanted it to be extra special and memorable for her).

"Mimi" for Matt's mom because her only grandson calls her that already.

"Grammy" for my mom because that's what we always called my grandma.

"Grandma" for my step-mom because I knew she wouldn't like "mee-maw" (my dad is a thorough bred Kentucky native ya'll)

Anyways, my Grandma's birthday is March 2nd and usually my mom and I get together and do something every year (like eat her favorite food - nachos). We had it all planned and bringing a gift bag didn't seem odd either since I usually buy her a cross with a verse or an angel for her on my Grammy's birthday. I had to mail my step-mom's and I told Matt's mom it was a get-well present.

I wrote them all 3 a card being discreet and just telling them how grateful I was God has brought them into my life and how someday I hope to be as great of mother's they have been. Here's what I wrote in my Mom's:

Happy Birthday to Grammy!!

I know you miss her. I miss her too. Sometimes it still doesn't feel that long ago we were visiting or spending holidays together. She was truly the epitome of magnificent. She was a beautiful person and an even better Grammy. I can't wait until the day my babies are your grandbabies. After all, I will have learned to be the best mother because of you and I know you will someday be the best Grammy because of Grandma. You are my rock. I love you more than anything Ma! Now, let's celebrate Grammy's birthday the way she'd want us to. NACHOS!!!!!!!!!

Brandi

She never suspected that the present would be a 'Grammy TO BE' pin. She was like, "REALLY?!" and my step-dad says, "It's a grandma pin isn't it!?" and my brother jumped up to see it and the rest is basically history. I swear my mom was on the Kohl's website faster than I could say baby. She's ready to go all out ;)

So supposedly I'm due 10-11-12 and I'm literally worried constantly. Maybe it's a pregnant lady thing? I just can't stop thinking miscarriage or birth defect. I'm such a worry wart as it is and I feel as though motherhood may age me! Please pray for my baby's health and my stress free peace!

God Bless everyone and thank you so much for the joyful comments, texts, phone calls, etc.